If there’s one thing I’ve learned through my life, it’s that you can’t have everyone like who you are. It’s impossible. If you think you can spin and twist and turn opinions about you into sugar and kisses all the time, well, you’re just plain wrong. And you’re probably very unhappy.
How rude you must think I am.
Tippy-toeing around to keep someone happy or to keep them from being angry with you is a waste of time, a waste of energy, and most of all, a waste of the real you.
Morphing myself into the “yes dear” wife or the “perfect daughter” made for an exhausting existence. From being sure vacuum lines remained in the living room carpet from Saturday to Saturday, to hiding from all of my LDS friends the fact that my parents drank and smoked for fear of being judged and left-out, to tolerating my husband ‘dating’ another woman for months as our marriage died on the vine (while he told me the whole time he loved me but wasn’t “in love with me” and needed time to figure things out),” I’ve smiled and spin-doctored my life for more years than some of you have been alive.
When you are living true to you, let’s face it, you are probably gonna piss some people off–especially if those people aren’t used to you sticking up for yourself or showing strength. When your regular routine is to let people walk all over you or settle or tolerate mistreatment, loved ones don’t like it when you change the rules of the game.
Standing up for yourself takes courage. Always. But especially if you’ve lived with a manipulator. If you are in a relationship and you want to start standing up for yourself, look at the patterns. Do they get angry to get you to “give in” to their ideas or wants? Do they pout and act helpless so you’ll “make them happy” or dote on them? That’s not a healthy relationship your in. That’s manipulation.
Below is a list of basic human rights, taken from psychologytoday.com. I want you to keep this list in mind as you move through the process of finding the strength in yourself again. Have a look, put the list in your phone, and when you start to feel small or guilty because you aren’t being a “good daughter/son” or “good wife/husband,” remind yourself you deserve these things.
Standing up for yourself isn’t a bad thing. It isn’t disrespectful. And it certainly isn’t wrong. You may lose people from your life if you begin to grow and get stronger, but really, you can’t make everyone happy.
- You have the right to be treated with respect.
- You have the right to express your feelings, opinions and wants.
- You have the right to set your own priorities.
- You have the right to say “no” without feeling guilty.
- You have the right to get what you pay for.
- You have the right to have opinions different than others.
- You have the right to take care of and protect yourself from being threatened physically, mentally or emotionally.
- You have the right to create your own happy and healthy life.
Good luck on your journey back to you. It’s a beautiful story you are writing for yourself.