Why do I write?
Why do I share my struggles, lessons, good days and bad days? Why do I write my story? I write because it’s therapeutic. I write because it’s healing for me. I write because giving myself permission to be vulnerable enough to record the details about deep, meaningful, impactful, things in my life–both good and bad–has helped me grow as a mother, wife, friend, and most importantly as a woman.
There are still so many things to write about that I haven’t had the courage to record yet, but I know I’ll get there. In time. Healing is a process, and it moves through us like a quiet stream some days and other days it’s like a raging river.
Through my journey I’ve realized that I lived a life trying to be perfect on the outside. Not because I cared about what people would think, but because I was raised to be tough, hard working and smart. What girl out there could be all those things while sharing the “bad” or “not-so-perfect” parts of her life?
I never talked about things like my breakup with my high school boyfriend and the way it shattered me at 17. Or that I went to church every Sunday smelling like smoke because of my parents and how I felt I had to pretend I fit in around my uber-Mormon community for fear of further judgement. I just wanted to put my head down and keep moving forward.
Just like the Pink Floyd song states, I had become “comfortably numb.”
The numbness continued in my early adult years and throughout my first marriage. Think about others, don’t rock the boat, and don’t ask for anything. That was the woman I had become. In a way, a Stepford wife.
When you stop being a Stepford wife (or daughter or friend), people don’t like it. And ya know, that’s perfectly okay. They don’t have to approve or like you or what you have to say. It’s not your job to please everyone. It’s not your job to paste on a smile and cover for someone when they’re treating you like shit. And it’s certainly not your job to always make things better and smooth the waters for everyone because that’s what you’ve always done.
Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone is cracked in some way or another. Write your story. Keep a journal or blog or write your epiphanies on a post-it note and put it on your mirror so you see it every day. Those lessons of growth and love are glimpses of light and the life you are meant to live.
What is your story? What lead you to the place you are right now? Tell the truth. Own it. Embrace each event that lead you to the you you are right now. I promise that your world will open up once you give yourself wings.
If you’re feeling brave, leave a comment or link me to your story below. I’d love to learn from each of you and continue my journey by following along with yours.